Asking for Money Dear Fran,
My cousin, I'll call him Tim, lives several states away and is getting married for the first time. We have a lot of relatives that live here in the same city that I do and none of us, including his parents are not going to the wedding for either health or financial reasons. I was planning on sending him a gift after they return from their honeymoon. I received a letter from Tim informing me that he and his bride to will be visiting our city in a few weeks and that his parents are giving them a party. He said that it is a Spanish tradition that family members help pay for the wedding. In lieu of gifts he is asking for money, at least $50. My first response was to ignore the request and send him and his bride a gift as I originally planned. Have you ever heard of this tradition (we are not Spanish) and should I send them an etiquette book instead? If I am wrong, please set me straight.
Thank you,
Anne
Dear Anne:
You are not wrong! Tim's request was in very poor taste. It is one thing to "pass the word" amongst family and friends that money would be appreciated, rather than gifts, but to write a letter, such as the one you describe, really "takes the cake!"
My first response would also be to ignore the request and buy a gift that feels suitable to you. Although they could certainly "use" an
etiquette book, it would serve no purpose. Weddings are a time to build bridges, not to create rifts.
Sincerely,
Fran
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