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Is The "Unity Candle" For Me?


At age 50, I am a first time bride! I am marrying a widower with a  teenage son. I would like to omit the "Unity Candle" portion of the ceremony that seems to be so prevalent in this part of the country, since my fiancé's mom is deceased, as is my dad. The Unity Candle portion of the ceremony seems best for much younger brides and grooms and their families. So..what else could we do that would be meaningful and beautiful and would take the place of the Unity Candle part of the ceremony - a full Catholic mass? Thank you!!



Dear Mary,

Congratulations on your upcoming wedding!!  How exciting for you both!!

The lighting of the Unity Candle is a wonderful tradition and certainly not delegated to younger brides and grooms.  In fact, the lighting of this candle can be a very meaningful part of your wedding, drawing your finance's son into the ceremony in a special way.  When a couple marries later in life and children are still in the home, you are putting a new family unit
together.  (A new family is being created even when the children are no longer in the home)  How better to present that unification, than when standing before your friends and loved ones on your wedding day?    I hope you will reconsider your decision and include the unity candle in your ceremony.   You might consider calling it "Lighting of the Family Candle"  in your wedding program, as it is symbolic of the new family unit becoming one.

Other unique ceremony ideas include giving a ring to each of  the couples children during the ceremony.  This can be a very important "cementing of the family unit," and will be fondly remembered by your children for the rest of their lives.  The fact that they were important enough to be "included" in such a special way.

 A full Catholic mass is always appropriate when both are in agreement in faith.

Thank you for writing and best wishes for a wonderful life.



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